Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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