Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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