woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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