Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
