just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
