It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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