im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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