I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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