I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize