I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
