There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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