Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
