Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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