You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
God I need to hump something, right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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