she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
