the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
