these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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