were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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