things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
