Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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