Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
