Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
