its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
