i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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