You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
