this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
