I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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