Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
