Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
