Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's just like the Real World with babies
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
