i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
