i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
