East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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