yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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