is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
