i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize