I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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