it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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