dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
