Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
