My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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