I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
