12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
