i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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