i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
