Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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