remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
