Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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