when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
