We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
