I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
