Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
