She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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