The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
