This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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