I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
