you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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