genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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