GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
