Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
