Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
