Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
