dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
