if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize