but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
