My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
