capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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