I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
