4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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