i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
