Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
