It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
