At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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