one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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