I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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