yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
foreskin is a definite game changer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to calm my uterus...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
