Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
