I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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