U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
