let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
