May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
