Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
